The moments that overflow

When you have babies, life changes dramatically. Have you noticed how often things seem to happen all at the same time? Baby cries same time as the doorbell goes and the washing cycle finishes and the sun comes out so it’s time to hang it out, while you are absolutely busting for a wee… and it feels impossible to attend to every thing?

I call it the ‘all at onceness’ of life.

I don’t know why that is, but it’s more often ‘all’ than nothing! And as they get older, the demands seem to increase.

At the end of the day, When it’s ‘nothing’

Have you ever found yourself sitting in front of the telly once they’re finally all asleep, and instead of enjoying the peace and quiet, your mind starts to pull up little snippets from the day?

It’s as if your subconscious is processing and reviewing, and bringing up the bits you missed at the time. Now that everything has gone still, the events of the day can filter through for your attention.

And you recall a moment from earlier, while you were busy trying to cook dinner and hear the news and remember what you needed to sort out for tomorrow, that your child came in to show or tell you something.

Now that you have the space to isolate that memory from all the other noise, you realise he was articulating something really sweet and beautiful.

Then you remember with a wince how you scolded him for getting in the way and told him to go into the other room before you drop a pot of boiling spaghetti on his head. Off he’d gone, and you’d carried on as if nothing had happened, getting all the jobs done and checking off the mental lists.

Only now, with this sinking feeling, do you realise you missed that chance to hear him, acknowledge him, appreciate him. How that might have felt for him. Ouch.

Mother on the beach with two little children during family photoshoot at Pendower beach Cornwall

This is life.

This is the emotional load of it - especially for mothers - when life is busy and literally happening all at once.

Welcome to mum guilt!

If this is you, I’m sending you a big hug. Don’t beat yourself up - in this modern lifestyle we can’t possibly get everything done and give our kids 100% of our attention all the time.

Take a moment to accept things and yourself as they are: Imperfect. Flawed. Human and real.

The truth is, moments will be missed. Attention will go to what seems most urgent even if that wasn’t the most important. Often this means not noticing little glimmers, and the precious little opportunities to connect with your kids. That’s ok. You can’t catch them all.

If you’re like me and seem to notice a lot in hindsight, that’s actually amazing. We have a chance to make up for it - to try and catch ourselves next time if we can, and to pause in the moment even if just for a few seconds, to notice.

So this summer, may you have more space around your moments, so that they can land in your heart while they’re happening. If you can, try to focus on what matters more - eye contact with your children, seeing things through their eyes when they tell you something, putting everything down and playing with them sometimes.

I think that’s what they will remember more than anything, and what they’ll treasure the most. But also remember, it’s not easy, and you’re doing a great job.

And if you find yourself wishing a few moments together can be witnessed and captured, I’m always here.